Dead?

10km run

Jurong lake run. 

2012. My first run. 

2013. My longest run (currently)

10km. 

I've started. 

I've conquered. 

More than just a run. 

It was a time to prove myself. 

It was a time to strengthen my mental. 

It was a time to set things straight. 

One thing I gained today was sometimes it's not about finishing the run alone. Sometimes what about helping that friend or even a stranger out there so that everyone can get there. It doesn't matter even if he/she might pull you back but knowing that you made that difference. 

Started off alone. 

Finished with the little boy. 

I knew I could have clocked a faster timing if I didn't run with him. 

But seeing him finishing was more rewarding than a faster timing. 

I'm proud of him. 

Not an easy feat for a 13 year old. 

Long distance no matter how far for anyone is not just a test about the physical. It is a test of the mental. It is a test of not giving up when the going is tough. 

I'm proud to say I didn't stop running (well except for hydrating myself at the water points). 

“It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.” – George Sheehan

Reflections

It has been a long time. 

It has been a long time since I posted.

It has been a long time since I had been touched. 

It has been a long time since I felt genuinely happy. 

It has been a long time since I reflected this much. 

It has been a long time since I felt that there is hope in this dark world. 

It has been a long time since I found back the true meaning of "bringing joy through service". 

Acid was great but today just brought the whole thing to greater heights. 

I never expected them to remember me. To remember my name so well. To remember me being their friend during acid. I was touched. To me it's incredible. To know that I made a difference. To be their friends. 

Their smiles on their faces brought smiles to my face. The hi-fives, the handshake, the gratitude. 

Their innocence. Their happiness. It's all beautiful. Genuine. 

They are happy over the smallest things and I wish I could too. But as we achieve more in this society, as we move higher, nothing seems to satisfy us. Big things sometimes bring us only superficial happiness, but what about deep down. 

It made me reflect. What had I become the past two years in jc. What happened to what I got from Ijym in sn. I have lost the most important part of myself. Found again by these trainees.

Ultimately it's them who matter. What I could give them is only a fraction of what they gave me. 

It has been a long time. 

It's time to be back to myself. One that I can be true to myself. 

Run

Forget the glass slippers. 

This princess wears running shoes.

My new favourite running quote. 

Two years ago, it was nothing like that.

I hated running. 

Running was a chore. It was a burden. 

It was just plain torture for me. 

I would never have believed myself today.

I like love am addicted to running.

I ran 3 runs so far.

My first ever run. 

Jurong lake run (8 July 2012) 

It was the run that got me hooked on running. 6km.

Race against cancer (22 July 2012)

My second run. 5km. 

Carnival Run (23 March 2013) 

My third run in my life and my first run in 2013. 5km. 

I should be moving forth from here.

10km. 16km. 21km. 

And finally, 42.195km

I've two runs that i've signed up for so far.

Nike BFF run with the BFF (11 May 2013) 5km

Jurong lake run 2013 (7 July 2013) 10km

More runs to sign up for.

Pioneer Road Run 

And perhaps Standard Chartered (if i survive A's)

This set me thinking today. 

Why run?

Seriously.

From a girl who hated running to one who loves it. 

Running makes me feel like a brand new person. 

Someone i respect. 

Someone i can be proud of. 

Someone that has accomplished something.

Running was a way to escape the harsh reality of life.

A time of self-denial.

A time to escape.

A time to not think about anything.

A time to let your brain rest. 

A time to just let go.

More importantly, the joy that comes at the end of each run is indescribable.

The greatest motivation to keep me running.

Yes, it feels good to tell people that you have ran.

But more importantly, it feels good to tell yourself you have ran.

A lesson i learnt today, 

it's not about accounting to people, 

it is about accounting to yourself. 

It does not matter how long others take to run,

(yes, it feels good to be faster than others)

but have you ran a good run? 

"You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement" - Steve Prefontaine

Disappointment

“It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable.” 
― Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

I have always been puzzled. 

Why do people change? Why do people have to change. 

Perhaps i have found the reason. 

Why am i surprised.

No one. Not even myself i can trust.

CNY, more like floorball

Heehee. I shall update since it's CNY.

Floorball posters! #njfb 

Ah boy to men part 2 cost me like $101.50

All because i went with jiekai who i conclude is a bad influence. 

orange and poseidon from unihoc! 

my new stick :) 

Name: Orange 

Full name: Mandarin Orange 

Nickname: MO 

Hahahaha, influenced by CNY. 

the new and the old. hahaha. orange and aurora.

sorry aurora. 

Okay, i realised it's a stupid update. But well. 

Happy CNY! 

Get loads of angpao! 

And yay, the money for my new stick is settled! :) heehee.

Thoughts

Hi.

I've been thinking recently.

What have I been doing with my life?
What have I done with my life?
What am I going to do with my life?

Honestly I have no idea.

I've no sense of whatever direction I'm heading to. No dreams. Nothing. Well, if you consider being a Tai tai one.

Maybe I should really sit down and think about it. Maybe now. Maybe... What do I want to be when I grow up?

My inner being tells me I want to fly free. I envy those who get to travel everyday (well, almost). Not stuck here with nowhere to go.

Kpop has gotten me thinking these few days.

Look at boyfriend's minwoo and jotwins. They are my age, and look at what they are doing and what I am doing. At least they know what they want in life. They seem to be making full use of their life. What about me? I feel like I'm wasting my life away.

To be honest I'm envious of them. I was thinking why. It came to me that I was envious of them flying and travelling all the time. I even thought how good it will be to perhaps be a star. What a joke. It is probably trapping yourself when you want to be free. Perhaps all the attention will be good? Perhaps.... After all, I'm human too.

I wanna be free. I wanna soar my wings and fly. But the irony is where are my wings.

Well, on the brighter side of life, it's jungmin's birthday!!!!! Yay!!!! :) I'm starting to like him. Actually all of the members in boyfriend. Except the leader? Okay, I have no idea.

I shall continue living in my fantasy world. It's fantasy for a reason.

Goodnight world.